(Harry Weiss)
A man should call the toss
Wear the pants, and be the boss
A man should be the drink
For his own damn sake

And men should the misters
And the masters of their sisters
A man should be the reason
For a heart to break

A man should cut the lawn
Change the tire, mend the worn
A man should never wait
To oil a rusting gate

Men should hold the key positions
In our country's great traditions
A man should put the food
Upon the family plate

(Marines)
So, be moral
Don't quarrel
Fair and square is best

(Old Woman)
Let me alert you
That virtue won't hurt you
Or desert you

(Men)
If you wear hair on your chest

(Studio Audience)
So always remember to follow the rules

(Marines)
Box clever

(Men)
And jocks never

(Harry Weiss)
Hock another jock's tools

A man should wax a car
Fix a fuse, and tend the bar
A man should like his brow
To be wet with sweat

Men should know the right occasions
To indulge in tax evasions
A man should know the settings
That his spark plugs get

Faggots are maggots
Thank God I'm a man